


Confrontation

by thesympatheticvillain



Category: Sanders Sides, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Anger, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Mentions of Unhealthy Relationships, the boys have a lot to talk about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesympatheticvillain/pseuds/thesympatheticvillain
Summary: Following the Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts Video, Virgil is upset because Thomas now knows that he used to be a dark side. Things take a turn because Patton has a confession to make.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic! So, I hope you enjoy! It get a little rough there for these boys, but nothing they can't handle :)

Patton hesitantly climbed the stairs leading up to Virgil’s room, his muscles tensed with anticipation. He paused at the top of the stairs, idly shifting his feet. Nervously, he considered whether he should continue forward at all. He'd already caused one problem. The last thing he wanted to do was make things worse. 

_No,_ Patton thought resolutely. _Virgil deserves better than that. He deserves an explanation. He deserves an apology._

Patton sighed, leaning against the wall in the hallway, taking in the unnatural silence that filled the halls of the mindscape. No sounds of Logan clicking away on his laptop or Roman's excited voice would fill the halls tonight. Thomas’ most recent video had left them all shaken. They didn’t want to admit it, Remus' grand introduction had unsettled them all. 

They’d done their best to hide their emotions from Thomas so he could actually rest tonight but the façade had dropped once they'd gotten home. Without pause, Roman and Logan had gone straight to their rooms, leaving Patton alone in the empty kitchen. He'd assumed they needed space to decompress from today’s events and he let them be, but he worried all the same. It wasn't normal for them to disappear into their rooms without saying anything. Exhausted, he'd almost left to do the same but he never got the chance. 

Virgil had come home last, brushing past him in the kitchen. Patton thought he saw tears in Virgil’s eyes as he'd sulked past Patton quickly, not even glancing behind him as he'd ran up to his room, slamming the door behind him. 

Patton sighed at the memory, wishing he'd known what had caused Virgil’s distress sooner. Earlier, concerned about Virgil, Patton had briefly gone back to visit Thomas, trying to figure out what had upset their shadowy friend. Unfortunately, it had taken a while for Thomas to explain exactly what had happened. His heart ached for his friend. He hated to think that Virgil had been festering in his own misery for so long already. 

_Because I was one of them._

Guilt washed over him as he remembered what Thomas had told him about his conversation with Virgil. Anxiously glancing down the hallway, he slowly moved past the other rooms, pausing briefly outside of Virgil’s purple door, heart pounding in his chest. He knocked loudly. 

“Kiddo? Can we talk for a minute?” Patton called, listening quietly through the door for a response. A minute passed and Patton raised his hand to knock again, but before his hand struck the door, he heard Virgil’s tired voice call back. 

“Not now, Pat.” 

Patton sighed sympathetically. “I don't think this can wait, kiddo. Please, can I come in?” 

Virgil was quiet for a long time and Patton felt like he might burst with anticipation. 

“Kid—” 

“Fine, Pat. Come in.” He heard Virgil grumble from the other side of the door. 

He tried to keep up an encouraging smile as he cracked the door open and peeked his head into Virgil’s room but his face dropped as he looked around the room. 

His walls weren’t covered in the usual band posters and movie art. The shelves weren't full of his usual dreary knickknacks and spooky décor. Patton barely recognized the room. The dark gray walls were now faded and barren. The plaster was cracked and the only furniture in the space was Virgil’s bed and a lone stool in the middle of the empty room. He could only assume that Virgil had just conjured it up for him. 

He looked down at his friend, lying face down into his pillow with his hood up over his head, obscuring his face. 

“Jeez, kiddo. You sure know how to make someone feel welcome.” Patton commented offhandedly as he came to sit on the stool. 

“You insisted on coming in here, Pat. You don't have to stay. I’m not exactly in the mood to throw you a party.” An edge had started to creep into Virgil’s voice. 

“I know. I'm sorry, Virgil. I just can't imagine this space is very comfortable for you either, kiddo.” 

“I hadn't cared to notice.” 

Patton was quiet, watching the back of Virgil’s hoodie rise and fall as he breathed. Frowning, he took a deep breath. 

“Virgil, I went and talked to Thomas.” Patton paused, nervously. “I think it's really brave you decided to tell him.” 

“What?!” Virgil suddenly pushed himself up from his bed, spinning around to face Patton, rage in his eyes. “What gives you the right to interfere like that, Patton?” 

Patton looked over at Virgil sadly. “Virgil, you were clearly hurting when you came back home tonight. What did you expect me to do?” 

“Leave it alone! It's none of your business!” Virgil yelled, standing up and towering over Patton. 

Patton looked away guiltily, clenching his hands. He looked down at his nervous friend, suddenly feeling guilty for yelling. Virgil backed away. “I’m sorry, Pat. I didn't mean to yell at you. I just…I just need to handle this on my own. This isn't your problem to worry about, okay?” 

“It is though, kiddo.” Patton said, sadly. 

“Listen, Padre. I know you have a tough time ignoring people when they’re upset but this one's not your responsibility.” Virgil said gently, itching for the conversation to end. “Go help one of the others, Pat. I'm not the only one who had a rough time today. I'm sure Roman would appreciate some of your famous cream of broccoli soup. His ego's more than a little bruised tonight.” 

“Not this time, kiddo. I need to make this right. This is my responsibility.” Patton paused, nervously. “It's my fault.” 

Virgil froze, looking down at his friend, tensely. “What does that mean, Pat?” 

Patton was quiet, hanging his head in shame. 

“What does that mean, Patton?” Virgil asked through gritted teeth. 

Patton sighed sadly, not meeting Virgil’s gaze. “You know what it means, Virgil. You’ve figured it out already. It's why you’ve been pushing me away for the last few videos.” 

Now, it was Virgil’s turn to stay quiet. He stared at Patton unmoving. 

“You never should have had that conversation with Thomas. You didn't choose to be a dark side.” Patton sighed. “I sent you there. To the dark side of the mindscape.” 

Virgil glared at him, seemingly too upset to speak. 

“I didn't know what I was doing. I… I thought you were hurting Thomas, kiddo.” 

“Don't.” Virgil hissed.

“It's not your fault, Virgil.” 

“Get. Out.” Virgil said, his voice quivering with rage. 

“It's not like that anymore, Virgil. We all know how important you are.” 

“So, what?” Virgil spat out, unable to quell his growing anger. “Now that I'm useful, you suddenly have enough space to keep me around?” 

“Of course not, Virgil! We all want you around. We love you, kiddo. You're part of our family.” Patton pleaded. 

“Yeah, right.” Virgil’s voice quieted to a whisper. “Until you decide I’m not worthy of that anymore.” 

“That's never going to happen, Virgil.” Patton stood up and looked over at him sternly. “You will always have a place here." 

Virgil spoke softly, almost whispering. “Why me, Pat?” 

“What do you mean, kiddo?” Patton asked, moving towards him. Virgil flinched back and Patton stopped, looking sadly at his hurting friend. 

“Why am I here on the light side? Why did you let me come back? You’re here, groveling to me but what makes me any different than Remus or Dee?” Virgil crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. “I don't see you apologizing to them or letting them into the light commons, even though you must have done the same thing to them as you did to me.” 

“There's no difference, kiddo. I need to apologize to them too. They are parts of Thomas, no less important than any other side.” 

Virgil was quiet. “Why'd you do it, Pat?” 

“I didn't understand what I was doing, Virgil. Please believe that.” Patton pleaded. “I didn't know where I was sending you.” 

“Years, Pat. You sent me there for years. I didn't even know why. I just popped over to the dark commons one day with no warning. Do you know what it's like over there?” 

“I didn't back then but I do now.” Patton nodded. “I just knew that when something made Thomas uncomfortable, I could just push them away. Repression is a tricky thing." 

“I made Thomas that uncomfortable?” Virgil asked, sadly, looking down at the floor. 

“I thought you were hurting him, kiddo. You were a lot to handle back then and he couldn't cope with everything you were throwing at him.” 

“I didn't just go away, Pat. Pushing me back into the dark parts of the mindscape didn't change the effect I had on Thomas. You just made it so I couldn't reach out to him. By the time l broke through the barrier to work through things with him, the damage had already been done. To him and to me.” 

“I know, Virgil.” Patton’s voice was starting to shake. “I’m so sorry. I didn't know.” 

“Maybe not then, Pat.” Virgil said dryly. “But you knew long before now and you didn’t say anything. You let me figure it out on my own.” 

“I… I was ashamed of what I did. I've wanted to talk to you and apologize but I was afraid.” Patton held his breath. “It's no excuse for not telling you but that's why it took so long.” 

Virgil sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms and looking at the ground. “Is that why… is that why you were so welcoming of me compared to Logan and Roman? Did you just feel guilty?” 

“Virgil, no! Of course not!” Patton put up his hands in denial, sitting down on the stool close to Virgil. He ached to hug his friend but he wasn't sure his affections would be welcome. “I care about you, kiddo. I have from the moment you showed up here. None of that was fake. None of it was done out of guilt or obligation. I love you, kiddo, through and through. I have from the very beginning.” 

Virgil hung his head. His face was obscured and his hands were shaking. His voice quivered as he spoke. “What did you come here for Pat? What did you expect to come from this?” 

“Nothing, Virgil. I wanted to do it for you. You deserved an explanation and an apology. I forced you out of your home. I let Thomas neglect you for years. I'm so sorry, Virgil. I'd do anything to take it back.” Patton leaned over, resting his elbows in his knees. “I just hope eventually you'll find it in you to forgive me.” 

Virgil shifted uncomfortably. “What about Remus and Dee?” 

“I'll get there with them too. I want them to come home.” Patton said resolutely. 

Virgil looked up at him, tears in his eyes. 

Patton's heart pained for his friend. He couldn't bear to hold his friend’s gaze. “It's going to be a challenge to get through to them. They've integrated the idea of darkness into their identity differently than you have. I don't know how to reach them just yet.” 

“It’s not that different, Pat.” Virgil looked up at him, tiredly wiping away his tears. “You’re just still afraid of them.” 

Patton sighed. “You’re right, kiddo. I'm terrified. I know that every one of us brings something valuable to Thomas but everyone brings a little darkness too. There has to be a balance.” 

Virgil bit his lip, looking away from Patton. Patton saw shame in his eyes. 

“Hey, kiddo. Don't mishear me. Everyone of us has some darkness, including Logan, Roman and I, kiddo. It's not so black and white anymore. We all have our flaws to work on.” Patton hesitated. He reached out his hand, resting his hand on Virgil’s. Relieved that he didn't immediately pull away, Patton gently squeezed Virgil’s hand. “No one's all light or all dark. It's time to stop putting up these walls between us. We're better together.” 

“I want to forgive you, Pat.” Virgil’s voice cracked. “I really do. It’s…just hard. I was lost and alone for so long. It's not easy to just forget that.” 

“I know, kiddo. I'm so sorry. That must have been really lonely.” 

“It’s worse than that, Pat. Sure, that place is physically dismal and broken down but it had other effects on me. It was an echo chamber of bad thoughts, magnifying every negative feeling and sending it back at me. It sucked.” Virgil sighed. “Being here is such a relief compared to that place. I can breathe. I felt like I couldn't breathe there.” Virgil's breath caught in his throat. “Patton, sometimes I’m really scared you'll send me back.” 

“Never, kiddo. I promise. You belong here. You, Dee and Remus all have a place here. Thomas needs you. We need you.” 

“Is Thomas even going to want me here after this?” Virgil asked, defeated. “Now that he knows the truth.” 

“Of course he does. He was shocked, sure, but that doesn’t change anything. He still loves and cares about you.” 

“What if he can’t forgive me?” Virgil’s voice was shaking. 

“He knows it’s not your fault, kiddo. He knows you didn't choose to be a dark side.” 

“How?” Virgil looked up at him, his expression vacant. 

“I told him, kiddo.” Patton smiled, rubbing Virgil’s hand with his thumb. “Just before I came here. It's my fault. It was time for me to take responsibility for it.” 

“Thanks, Pat.” Virgil looked shocked. He obviously hadn't been expecting any assistance from Patton. Virgil almost seemed relieved for a moment before his face fell. “But I lied to him, Patton. I could have told him sooner. I don't even know why it took me so long. I should have done it ages ago.” 

“You were afraid, Virgil. It's not an easy conversation to have.” 

“Still, I should have. He deserved to know.” 

“You know it's not the same, right?” Patton squeezed Virgil’s hand gently. 

“What?” Virgil looked up at Patton’s sad smile. 

“It’s not the same as what I did. You couldn’t have told him until recently. Dee wouldn’t have let you because Thomas wasn’t ready to hear about the other sides yet.” Patton smiled at him reassuringly. “Not to mention, the existence of the others was overwhelming for Thomas at first. Telling him sooner may only have hurt him. You did the best you could, kiddo.” 

Virgil was quiet. 

“And you still have every right to be upset with me. Your choice not to tell Thomas doesn't make what I did any less wrong.” 

Patton looked up in surprise as Virgil’s fingers curled around his hand. Virgil was looking over at him. His brow furrowed in such a way that Patton genuinely couldn't tell if he was concerned or angry. He braced himself for the latter. 

“Maybe not, Patton.” Virgil paused, pondering. Anxiety flared in Patton’s chest as he waited for Virgil to speak. “But maybe, it helps me understand better. Every time I thought about telling him, scenarios would rush through my mind. I'd see every way in which Thomas could react badly. The idea of telling Thomas and him rejecting me was nearly unbearable. It's a lot of the reason I put it off.” Virgil paused. “Is that what it was like for you, Pat?” 

Patton bit his lip, looking down but nodded reluctantly. Virgil watched him quietly for a moment before letting out a sad sigh. 

“I get it. I do, Pat. But why did it take you so long to tell me? Why now?” Virgil asked, exasperated. 

“Well, kiddo. Part of it was that I didn't have to go through telling Thomas alone.” He hesitated. “The other reason is that I didn't realize how bad it was for you until today.” 

Virgil looked at him, confused. “What? Why today?” 

“Because of Remus.” Patton shifted nervously. “Watching… watching Thomas the last few days dealing with Remus’ relentless stream of negativity has been really hard. He was struggling. He hardly slept and he was constantly stressed. And…” 

“And what, Pat?” Virgil prompted him softly. 

“And it took so little for Thomas to believe he was a bad person…for me to believe he was a bad person. If it weren’t for Logan, things could have gotten really bad today.” 

Virgil was quiet, uncomfortably avoiding eye contact with Patton. 

“I heard the way he talked to you, kiddo. He acted awfully familiar with you in particular. He seemed to… enjoy making you uncomfortable.” Patton paused. “You seemed scared of him, kiddo.” 

“He's… not bad, Pat. He's just not in control of everything he does. Things just happen around him and he just brushes the thoughts off.” Virgil paused, squeezing Patton's hand tightly. “He finds it… entertaining that I fixate on the thoughts and that it bothers me. I know the thoughts don't mean anything but it scares me sometimes. I worry for what it would mean for Thomas if Remus ever truly lost control.” 

Patton was quiet, letting Virgil continue to squeeze his hand tightly. “Kiddo, did Dee do that to you too?” 

Virgil was nearly crushing Patton’s hand with pressure at this point but Patton sat patiently, letting Virgil vent his emotions. 

“Dee… Dee was different. Being around him was less constant stress and unpredictability but it wasn't any better.” Virgil paused. “Dee was more subtle and his moments were further between. Just the occasional offhanded comment intended to knock me down. I wasn't allowed to be too happy. He'd always have something to say about it. Some comment that was either full of venom or sarcastically approving like he does when he's lying. Either way, one comment could send me spiraling for days.” 

Patton gently rubbed Virgil’s tense hand with his thumb. “He was gaslighting you, kiddo.” 

Virgil nodded reluctantly. “They're not bad, Pat. It wasn't their fault and I was just as bad. We were trapped on the other side together. All of our bad emotions were amplified and we took it out on each other. That place…it made Remus unpredictable. It made Dee manipulative. It made me cruel. We tried to take care of each other but sometimes we only made it worse.” 

Patton moved over to the bed next to Virgil. He still held Virgil’s hand, allowing his friend to lean into his shoulder. “Is it tough to be here without them?” 

“Sometimes. I know I'm better off here. I'm happier with you guys.” Virgil closed his eyes, leaning deeper into Patton’s shoulder. “But I feel awful about it. I don't deserve to be here any more than either of them.” 

“Nobody deserves to be trapped over there, kiddo. We're going to fix that. I really think together we can break down the barrier between our commons and theirs. Everyone can come home.” Patton sighed, leaning his head onto Virgil’s. “Thomas just has to be open to doing it and they have to be too. I'm not sure they’re ready yet but they'll get there. We'll help them, kiddo.” 

Virgil was quiet with exhaustion, leaning into Patton's shoulder. 

Patton smiled and whispered over to him. “Hey, I know we've covered a lot tonight but I don't want to ignore that you did something really brave tonight. I think the other reason I finally worked up the courage to talk to you tonight was seeing you be brave enough to open up to Thomas like you did.” 

“It wasn’t brave, Pat. It was just the right thing to do.” Virgil sighed. 

“Logan would tell you that those two concepts are hardly mutually exclusive.” Patton chuckled softly. “You did a brave thing today, kiddo. Don't sell yourself short. I'm just sorry you had to do it in the first place. I'd take it all back if I could.” 

“It’s okay, Pat.” Virgil said tiredly. 

“It's not okay but I appreciate you trying to be understanding, kiddo.” Patton smiled sadly down at his exhausted friend. 

“Pat, stop.” Virgil opened his eyes and sat up off Patton’s shoulder and stared seriously over at him. “I forgive you.” 

Patton was quiet, nervously scanning Virgil’s face, but as usual Virgil’s expression was unreadable. “Y-you don't have to, kiddo. You haven’t even had a chance to process everything I've told you. There's no rush for you to do anything tonight.” 

Patton stifled a yelp as Virgil suddenly let go of his hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. 

“I don't need to think about it, Patton. You didn’t mean it and you apologized.” Virgil's voice quieted to a whisper. “Pat, when I came here, you made me feel welcome. You didn't have to but you helped Roman and Logan accept me.” 

Virgil’s voice was shaking. Patton didn’t know how to respond so he shyly hugged Virgil back. 

“Pat, you helped Thomas accept me. I can't stay mad at you.” Virgil’s breathing was unsteady. Emotions threatened to overtake him. 

Patton tightened his arms around Virgil, tears forming in his eyes. “Thanks, kiddo.” 

“Anytime, Padre.” Virgil laughed softly. “I'm glad you told me and that it's not hanging over us anymore.” 

“Me too. I'm so glad you're here with us, kiddo.” Patton sobbed. “I'm so glad you’re part of our family.” 

“There’s no where else I'd rather be, Pat.” Virgil said, leaning back, wiping tears from his face. 

Patton released him as he pulled away, smiling tiredly at his friend. He glanced around the room, relieved to see that some of the décor had begun to return around Virgil’s room. 

“I'm glad to see you feeling better, kiddo.” 

“I am. Thanks for looking in on me, Pat.” 

“What do you think, kiddo? Should we try to get this night back on track? Do you want to help me make dinner?” Patton asked, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Roman’s probably not feeling up to it since he was injured this afternoon and Logan will probably forget if someone doesn't interrupt his thinking tonight.” 

Virgil smiled. “Sure thing, Padre. I could go for a bit of normalcy tonight.” 

“I think everyone could, after today.” Patton paused, channeling his dad voice. “Are you sure you’re okay, kiddo?” 

“Sounds good, Pat.” Virgil smiled back, following his eccentric father-figure friend out into the commons. His heart felt light and body felt relaxed. Everything was going to be okay.


End file.
